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Maureen Elizabeth [userpic]

Oh Kelly.....

February 19th, 2009 (10:08 am)
nostalgic

current mood: nostalgic

Guess this means you're sorry.
You're standing at my door.
Guess this means you take back, all you said before.
Like how much you wanted anyone but me.
Said you'd never come back, but here you are again.
'Cause we belong together now, yeah.
Forever united here somehow.
You got a piece of me, and honestly, my life would suck without you.

Maybe I was stupid for telling you good bye.
Maybe I was wrong for trying to pick a fight.
I know that I've got issues, but you're pretty messed up too.
Either way I found out, I'm nothing without you.

'Cause we belong together now, yeah.
Forever united here somehow.
You got a piece of me, and honestly, my life would suck without you.

Being with you is so dysfunctional.
I really shouldn't miss you, but I can't let you go.

'Cause we belong together, yeah.
Forever united here somehow.
You got a piece of me, and honestly, my life would suck without you.

'Cause we belong together now, yeah.
Forever united here somehow.
You got a piece of me, and honestly, my life would suck without you.

Maureen Elizabeth [userpic]

Time is not my friend...

January 30th, 2008 (12:58 am)
current song: With One Look- Sunset Boulevard

Though it seems like I'm swimming in a sea of uncertainty, I am sure of one thing: I cannot believe it's going to be February this week. Where has the year gone? Wasn't it just summer? Trips to and from VA, working, hanging out with friends? Planning the momentous move into my apartment. Well I'm here - have been here - and nothing is as I thought it would be. I've changed so much, and I think one of the biggest and most noticeable changes of all is how I've stopped letting myself be taken advantage of. I've grown apart, and yet grown closer, with different people. I know this happens, but it's still surprising to me. I seem to always have my life mapped out, written as it were, exactly as I want it to be. Although that's a sure set up for disappointment I never cease to be surprised when things don't go according to plan.

Nothing stays the same.

I'm already incredibly busy with school/work/life in general. I have to apply to the college of social work, and basically my entire futures happiness rests upon the one woman who told me NOT to switch majors. She'll be reviewing my application, so naturally I'm a little concerned. I'm told it will all work out for the best, but I can't help worrying. I'm finally a member of that elusive club where everyone knows their chosen path in life. I want to make an impact, any impact, on at least someone.

I need to go to sleep...I need to channel my thoughts later when I have free time to write. Things have just seemed so upside down lately, like I'm simply existing and nothing else. It's an odd feeling. Oh well....

Nothing ever stays the same.

More soon dearest livejournal.

Maureen Elizabeth [userpic]

I'm going to write you a love song. I hope the words will be enough.

December 9th, 2007 (04:33 pm)

So finals week. Yeahhhh. About that. I'm really not doing that well this semester. I'm pretty much failing macroecon, so that's going to be awesome to re-take. I can't even describe to you how tired I am though. ALL I do is work. I don't look forward to the weekends whatsoever because all I do is work closing shifts. I'm so over this job.... I'm so over a lot of things.

I had a dream last night. I've ended things completely. It's not fair that I should have dreams about them even after I've made sure they're dead and buried! It's not fair!! It's just so crazy how things work out. I'm tired of working all the time. All I have going for me at the moment is living vicariously through Ashley....who by the way is doing great. Just call me Yenta. I rock at matchmaking.

I have to go to work...surprise, surprise. I'll try to update more frequently after finals though. I'm going to be alone for a lot of break, either at the apartment, or babysitting the puppies. Maybe the solitude will help clear my head?

We'll see.

Adios for now!

Maureen Elizabeth [userpic]

Happy Thanksgiving!!

November 24th, 2007 (11:18 am)
current song: Let my love open the door - Peter Townsend

Although it was 2 days ago, my family rocks. We're too cool to have it on Thursday...Everyone's coming over today for the party. I'm not gonna lie - I'm really stoked. The last couple days were kinda lame...yesterday specifically. My first holiday season in retail....KILL ME. It's quickly losing its novelty. Oh well.

Not to sound like a cliche, but last night I had a dream. It was very vivid, as they usually are, and I remember the important parts quite clearly. In response to a very real-life situation, I dreamed about having to let go. It's painfully obvious that somethings going on, and I'm guaranteed to be the last to know. Although I'm pretty good at making assumptions, it's the kind of thing I refuse to believe until it's undoubtedly presented before me. I'm incredibly stubborn that way, sadly. None of this matters though...all that does, is that I take charge of the situation, and stop being taken advantage of. I deserve better.

There's a reason our past doesn't make it into our future. Some things really are left behind us, and maybe if you acknowledge this, the memories can remain untarnished?

I don't know. I need to start taking my own advice, and letting go of the people who don't appreciate me.

Why am I alwayssssss preaching about this? Sigh. Oh well...I think I should start getting around for today. I'm not feeling all that well, which is kind of odd.

More later :)

Maureen Elizabeth [userpic]

I'd like to pose a question.

October 28th, 2007 (04:48 pm)
cold

current mood: cold
current song: Not a Day Goes By- Bernadette Peters

Are there really some feelings that never go away? Even if there's nothing positive going on that could enforce them.

Not a day goes by,
Not a single day.
But you're somewhere a part of my life,
and it looks like you'll stay.
As the days go by,
I keep thinking when does it end?
Where's the day I'll have started forgetting,
but I just go on thinking and sweating and cursing and crying.
And turning, and reaching, and waking, and dying.
And oh....not a day goes by.
Not a blessed day.
You're still somehow part of my life,
And you won't go away.
So there's hell to pay.
And until I die,
I'll die day after day, after day, after day, after day, after day....
So there's hell to pay,
and until I die,
I'll die day after day, after day, after day, after day, after day....
Till the days go by.


Lame doesn't even begin to describe me, this I know.

Time to go shower so that I can get to work on time.

Maureen Elizabeth [userpic]

My most current list of grievances:

October 17th, 2007 (01:53 am)
cranky

current mood: cranky

Perhaps if I list them, and get them out there everything will drastically improve? Perhaps? Maybe not? We'll see......

1. Last night I got a parking ticket. (I said I was just listing them...these annoyances are in no particular order) I'm very annoyed about it because it wasn't my fault, and the fine is $40. Given the fact of how poor I am, that is quite a bit of money.

2. Apparently old friends aren't to be trusted, but new people that have only been around a few years are free and clear to know everything. Why bother shutting me out unless you have something to hide? I would loooooooove to know what grievous crime I committed that warrants this kind of treatment.

3. Sweetest day on Saturday. What a worthless day...honestly... It's only celebrated by 3 states, and I just happen to live in one of them. I don't need hallmark barfing up singles awareness on more than 1 day a year. I just don't need it.

4. Dear Bath and Body Works, please give me more hours. As much as I love making the commute home every week *sarcasm*, I'd love to be able to actually skip that fun event for once, due to sufficient funds at my NEW job. I realize I'll get more hours as the holiday season picks up, but already I act like a retarded kid when I'm there. If I don't work more and practice more I'm going to end up sucking royally when the crowds come in. Just a thought.

5. To all the professors who haven't made attendance mandatory this semester - I blame you for my lack of motivation. Obviously if I have the option of staying home in bed I'm going to. Duh.

6. Why in the freaking world is macroecon required for my major anyway. I mean I realize why, grr, but it really pisses me off to no end. If I have to re-take it for next semester I'm going to be unfit to be around.

7. The people who provide us internet here at Crossing Place really don't care about us. In fact, they are probably stealing the internet from some random ass guy in his basement. I don't know how one goes about doing this, I'm not an expert, but based on how shitty the connection is, there's no other excuse. It really really really makes me mad when I try to catch up on an episode of whatever show I missed, online, and the freaking video won't stream. Again, I don't understand how this process works, but all I know is that when I press play I want it to appear before me. Instead, usually I'm sitting here cursing when I can hear the voices, but the pictures frozen in place. Grrrrr.

I really need to stop bitching. I'm terrible, and there's no reaon for it.

Sigh.

Tomorrow I'm going to take a big dose of "happy" and things will be better.

Maureen Elizabeth [userpic]

Ohhhhh drama....my old friend.

October 8th, 2007 (12:26 am)
annoyed

current mood: annoyed

Except I hate you.


I swear to Christ, it follows me everywhere. Again, the world works in incredibly ironic ways, because you always end up getting what you want. A certain roommate situation became even more interesting this weekend, when he tried to hook up with a certain friend. Ahhhh. These things are never easy. I was prepared to give him full blame, forsaking the most obvious truth that there are always two distinct sides to every story. I was fully prepared, however, but then other events came in to play that proved how low I really am on peoples personal agenda. I really don't know why the world is so shitty. I try to be a decent person....I'm always mindful of when I'm stepping on toes, or possibly hurting someone else's feelings. I try not to at all costs. I feel sometimes like I'm completely alone in that department!

I'm tired of not being a damn priority! I say this all the freaking time. I just want to be someones priority. Ughhh.

I've decided on a course of action: Screw the drama. I'm going to focus fully and completely on two things: A- getting into the college of social work, and B- making money at Bath and Body Works. I'm incredibly poor right now, which is just adding to my list of woes.

Seriously people suck. I'm constantly being let down, and although I know the dramatic edge to this post is borderline taking away the validity of my argument, I still can't help feeling hurt. Why can't people be genuine? If you're going to tell me that you've never met anyone like me, and you won't give up until I give you a chance, then probably your next plan of action shouldn't include hooking up with my supposed friends. Common sense right?

Wrong.

I'm going to study for an econ test. Macro econ is determined to keep me from becoming a social worker. This god damn class.

Maureen Elizabeth [userpic]

Familiar Territory

September 26th, 2007 (01:39 pm)
lethargic

current mood: lethargic
current song: Kill - Jimmy Eat World

I have a paper due tomorrow, and my first psych exam. Exciting news. I NEED to get started on studying/writing, but as we all know, procrastination is my middle name. I absolutely cannot focus on annnnything lately, unless of course it's a romance novel, or some stupid tv show. I need to stop skipping class and sleeping all the time. I've developed more than 1 bad habit lately. Ugh..............

Ok.....maybe at the heart of the matter is the fact that I've fallen into a downward spiral headed straight for old familiar territory. I've been kicking and fighting it, and not saying it out loud, because how sad would that truly be? The question on my mind these days is whether or not it will ever be over for me. And if it is, how will I know? Or not know. I over-analyze EVERYTHING, and I break things apart that are much better left alone....but I can't help but wonder if I'm just fighting the inevitable?

I give the word lame a completely new meaning.





Seriously now....homework time. I'm turning a new leaf!

Maureen Elizabeth [userpic]

note to self:

September 19th, 2007 (01:00 am)

The Rolling Stone's said it best with : You can't always get what you want. You really can't. No matter what.

Ok. That's all I needed to say.

I can't always have what I want. You get the gist. The end................

Maureen Elizabeth [userpic]

Bad habits....

September 18th, 2007 (02:22 am)
cynical

current mood: cynical
current song: Shipoopi- The Music Man

Oh I have a few. For instance, getting drunk and in the absence of a boy to drunk dial, thinking it's appropriate to post a dramatic entry instead. I apologize for that, but I'm keeping it up just the same. I think it adequately describes my patheticness.... Of course I know there's not actually anything wrong with being single. Blah blah blah.

Another bad habit I've developed: not going to my Tuesday and Thursday morning class. Not good. I haven't been in sooooooo long. I have a quiz in my recitation tomorrow, and I have absolutely no idea what it's on..... Oh well. Maybe I'll read a little before hand? Maybe?

I feel like I can be more honest than ever in here, because I think I'm literally the last person in the world to use livejournal. Wait...Megann uses it too. Her and I are kickass. Not to digress from the point I was just about to make, but I'm so so so so so so so happy to hear that she's going to be coming back a semester early!!! AND on top of that, moving in with me *hopefully*. I cannnnnnot wait. So far this year I've burst into tears countless times, and usually over the mention of her, or a visit to a place we used to frequent. I'm an emotional mess. But back to the original idea....I can be more blunt now. I'm bored. I won't use any names, but it's becoming increasingly difficult to do what's right...ie, not make out with the guy I'm trying to convince to stop liking me. That would be a definite setback to the plan, but alas there's no one else vying for my attention. Sometimes I think there is, another certain someone, but ughhhhh. Only when we're drinking does he show me any attention, and sorry but after my last relationship fiasco, I plan on staying as freaking far away from that behavior as I can. So since my options are limited....the 1st mentioned certain someone isn't looking too terribly bad...or hasn't been the last few days. Tonight my better judgment won, but I don't know how long I can ward off my intrinsic behavior. Sigh.

What a hard life I lead haha. I sound so terribly dramatic again....I can't help it though. I am bored. I feel as though I'm entering a very well-known phase in my life, where a certain someone from long ago haunts my resolve. So many certain someones in this one, but there's always one very particular "one". In my life I've found that some things can never be completely dead and buried. The depressing aspect of this is that it's always one-sided....entirely one-sided.

I miss updating all the time and allowing the livejournal universe complete access into my daily life. One other thing I haven't done lately is go into the archive and see "what I was doing on this day 2 years ago." So much fun.

Choppy yes, but it's 2:30 am and that's how I roll. In other news - I got a job finally! I've been in dire need of one, and although I don't know exactly when I get to start, I'm now employed at Bath and Body Works. I'm afraid it won't be as rewarding as Clifton Truck, but it's something to pay the bills up here now. Another positive factor is the employee discount....and even better still, is that after 90 days I get to use it at Victoria's Secret. Hehe.

I'm going to go to bed now...finally....but please dear readers, pleaseeeee wish me luck in keeping my resolve strong, in ALL aspects of my life. Of course by that I mean in regards to all the many certain someones I have. There are too many.

The only thing that stands from the last post is that I still hate guys.

Night :)

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